Day -45

I am reluctant to start a minus countdown to the deployment because assigning a number to it just makes it that much more real. And there is no departure date so it's really just arbitrary anyway. But there it is. The first official step happened on Tuesday. The pre-deployment briefing at the Airman and Family Readiness Center. I hate going to those things because they might as well rename it "Try to keep it together in front of all these people so you don't look like a crazy person" for me. I managed not to cry... well not to allow the tears to drip down my face or mess up my mascara. My husband, seated next to me, was fine. I guess it just doesn't affect him like it does me. I can't help but get upset every time I think about it. The whole event made me a little upset. Okay, a lot upset. So much so that I spent the rest of the day not wishing to speak to my husband. Poor guy. I know he can't do anything about it but that just makes me that much more upset. Why would sign up for something that gives another entity that much control over your life? The real kicker is that his choice to do this, even after I begged him not to, has placed control of my life in the hands of the government, too. Unfortunately I did agree in marriage to support him so I suppose that is what I have to do. Even though he left for basic training after we married. I certainly did know what he was getting into when he joined and I didn't like it. He is the only person in the world for whom I would put up with this. I will remain his faithful wife, although that does NOT mean I have to talk to him. Mama always said if you didn't have anything nice to say...